Monday, July 9, 2012

Becoming a Girl

G1 has become super interested in makeup, jewelry, and wearing dresses/skirts.  It's super cute.  She's even walking around saying, "I like jewelry, not yucky stuff."  LOL!  Where does she get this from.

It's quite a sight to see the little girl who wouldn't wear anything other than shorts and gray t-shirts wearing sundresses, necklaces, and pigtails!  See for yourself :)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The guilt gene

Although not Catholic I've been told many times that I have the guilt gene.  Feeling guilty about the smallest things or things that literally having nothing to do with me.  I feel guilty nearly everyday that I am not giving my daughter, and her Sensory disorder, the kind of activity that she needs.  It's especially bad now that we have to wait around for her brother to nap or eat.  It's hard when one kid is sick and the other is stuck inside until all is well on the home front.  Today her brother is sick.  Asleep and sick. Instead of wanting to play with me she wants to watch TV.  She is watching her second show and I, of course, feel guilty.  Now plenty of parents use the TV as a babysitter, I do only when I need to shower or cook dinner.  Even that makes me feel guilty!  My therapist says I should let myself off the hook.  That  both G's are happy and healthy and a little TV never killed anyone.  Guess I could try today.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Working Mom

I'm considering going back to work.  Seriously considering it, not just applying for jobs to get my unemployment check, but seriously looking.  Tonight I am working on my resume and updating a couple of really good cover letters that I've written.  It's scary but I'm sort of ready, I think, um, maybe.

Whenever  I mention to G1 that I might go to work she cries.  When I say maybe a nanny will come in and play with you and cook you lunch, she cries.  Staying at home was never really a plan for me.  It just sort of fell into my lap and stuck.  I've been grateful, hell even happy at times (snow storms, rain storms, that time of the month) to be at home in sweats playing on the floor but it's time to move on.  Gain some skills and insight into my chosen profession. I have a masters degree covered in dust in a dark closet upstars.  I need to get on it!

Friday, June 29, 2012


Since I last wrote loads has happened, literally loads and loads of FUCKING laundry with two damn kids!  Seriously, how it is that these two have this much shit to wash!  Preschoolers are disgusting, infants are disgusting but can't do much about it themselves.  It's a time consuming process that the kiddos don't understand.  They wonder why I'm in the basement AGAIN.  Why I'm sliding basket after basket of laundry down our stairs.  Why we have used dryer sheets floating around under all of our furniture.  They just don't get it, even though they are the culprits they do not understand.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

City Mouse, Country Mouse

We live in a large city. G1 and G2's grandparents live in the country. What our city lacks their 'country' makes up for and vice-versa. In our big city the G's will be exposed to lots of things they wouldn't see in their grandparents 'country'; big buildings, city buses, city sounds, Starbucks galore, crowded streets, and more.

I say all of this to say that I hope we've chosen the right place to raise our kids. I was raised in cities. We moved a lot but every time it was to a real city. So I don't know much else. In fact if I don't see a fast food restaurant or a convenient grocery store then I feel like I'm in the boonies.

But what the city lacks that the boonies has is huge goldfish, garter snakes, loud jumpy toads.

This past weekend we spent some time at A's parents house, in the boonies. In a mere two hours of roaming around their property with her cousin, D, G1 came back to report that she had seen Goldie, the resident goldfish. She told me that Goldie was uuuummmmooonnnngous! She also told me that she had seen a snake, which freaked me out a little, not because I am scared of snakes but that she had seen one on her own without me nearby to protect her. She was, of course, fine but still this is what the country will give her. I am thankful that we have both at our fingertips. That we don't have to travel more than a couple hours away to allow her to roam. I imagine G1 taking G2 by the hand and showing him what her cousin showed her this weekend and frankly I cannot wait!

It brings me back to our city. Yesterday we went to the local zoo, it's also big like our city. A friend of G1's saw a spider scurrying away and freaked out where G1 wanted to run after it, pick it up, give it a kiss, name it. I'm happy to be raising our daughter this way. The girl who doesn't want a princess or fairy birthday party but a robot one. The girl who will, when bribed, not allow me to put a hairclip in her hair. The girl who has grabbed onto one girly thing...painted toe and finger nails. I'll take it!

I love our little city/country mouse.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


My mommy's a b-attorney so mama what are you?

The barrage of questions coming from the backseat always seem to end with this one. How do you spell pocoyo? How do robots work? My mommy's a b-attorney so mama what are you? I cringe, as usual. This question has come up over and over again for G1 over the past year or so. She wonders where Mommy goes everyday. She asks to go to mommy's office, call her at work, ride in her work car. She knows what Mommy's job is but yet she wonders why I don't go anywhere. When I try to explain that my job is to stay with her and G2 and take her school and run errands she always says but what are you? I respond I'm a stay at home mom and she just laughs and says noooooo. I'm not sure what she thinks or how much she'd understand so I go on explaining that I went to school for a long time and I'm a librarian, an archivist, a researcher, someone who loves books but she just laughs again and says nooooooooo.

Being a stay at home mom isn't valued in our society. When people ask what I went to school for and I tell them I have a masters degree they just laugh and say boy I bet it pisses you off to write those loan checks or man oh man must feel funny to just be lounging around in short and a t-shirt in the middle of the day. No one seems to get how hurtful that can be or how this stay at home mom 'job' was never the plan.

Oh well as a stay at home mom my work is never to change the laundry, rock a baby to sleep, do the dishes, contemplate dinner, let the dog out, make some lunch and pick up my kid at school in an hour. Invaluable.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A good big sister

As I type this I am eating a very early lunch, Trader Joes pork pot stickers and listening to some music. In the background G2 is beginning to fuss for his next bottle. What I hear if I listen closely is G1 working hard to comfort him. She is running back and forth from her play room and putting toys as close to his hands and face as he will allow. She is on her hands and knees whispering in his ear. What she's saying, I don't know but it's working. It's allowing me to relax for a couple more minutes in the pajama pants I've been wearing for three days now and type this up.

She's become a nurturing big sister. She is pretty much always the first to offer him up comfort. Tell me he's upset, point out spit up...or spit out as she calls it.

The screaming persists and she's now pulling me away to take care of him. I wonder if she's worried about him or just wants him to shut up so she can hear Mike the Knight?!